Perhaps it was seeing Les Miserables in the theatre last week or the endless stream of documentaries that I consume my time watching (of which I highly recommend “Zeitgeist: Moving Forward”, on Netflix), but today I started thinking about crime and the ridiculously high rate of incarceration in this great country of ours. It seems a heavy irony that the country with the highest rate of incarceration (just under 1% of the population) is often referred to as “The Freest Country on Earth”.

Here are the facts:

• The U.S.A.’s rate of incarceration is comparable to that of Pre – WW2 Soviet Union, under Stalin
• 1 in 22 black males are incarcerated (1 in 10 on probation)
• Less than 10% of prisoners committed violent crimes
• It costs on average $36,000 a year to keep someone in prison. It ranges from $14,000 year in Louisiana to $45,000 in Rhode Island, so if you’re gonna commit a crime, do it in Rhode Island
• The total annual cost of our prison system is around $75 billion

The cost to our society doesn’t stop there however. The chance of someone returning to a healthy, successful and happy life once out of prison are minimized by the marginalizing and stigmatizing imposed upon them by our government, society and fear. We have all done something potentially damaging or perhaps illegal in our life, the only difference is that we didn’t get caught or no negative repercussion came of it, but imagine for a moment, it did. Imagine that after what seemed like a reasonable number of cocktails, you are driving home from a party. As you’re driving along, abiding the speed limit, a young lady stumbles out of a bar, walks between two parked cars and into the street right in front of you. You hit and kill her, and because you had 4 drinks, instead of 3, you are now a felon. Would you not hope to one day be forgiven and permitted to return to the life you had before?

In a country, in which our laws seem to be drawn largely on the basis of Christian morality, where does forgiveness factor in?

Forgiveness requires compassion, empathy and understanding and when our hearts and minds are flooded with fear and insecurity, we become so focused on our own state of vulnerability that we have neither the courage nor the energy to think about others. It’s really no wonder that people are going through life so afraid and so self-centered. I’m always fascinated when I’m watching the evening news and story after story is about murders, robberies, rapes and various other forms of personal violation or theft. In fact, they will often tell of crimes in other states, rather than spend that time telling of something that perhaps will inspire or educate. Even in a liberal city like San Francisco, the “if it bleeds, it leads” practice seems alive and well, AND IT’S NOT JUST FOX!

In order to better understand fear, we have to understand how it really effects us physically and psychologically. I often speak of the “love/fear paradigm”, which simply says all emotions and behaviors stem from either love or fear. While this may sound overly simplistic or like Eastern philosophy, it is simply our emotional connection to the autonomic nervous system, which is divided into sympathetic (fight or flight) and parasympathetic (rest and digest). When our sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is engaged we are in a state of anxiety and stress and our body responds by shutting down functions that are unnecessary during periods of danger (even if the stress is purely psychological), including digestive and immune functions, which is why stress, more so than any other single factor, is responsible for obesity and illness. This is not to say that stress and the SNS doesn’t serve a purpose, aside from helping us to avoid physical danger, it is good for our health in controlled amounts and necessary for sex and exercise.

The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) on the other hand is when the body is in a state of calm and peace. In this state, body functions are most optimal and heart rate is slowed. This is the state that I connect with love, because there is no sense of danger, fear or insecurity and therefore we are vulnerable and open to receive and dispense loving energy into the world. Where as, when we are consumed with fear and insecurity we are more likely to react defensively, act selfishly and be motivated by power and control.

So, how does all of this relate back to crime and imprisonment? Well, the 2 greatest contributing factors to crime are poverty and inequality, which are highly stressful things to deal with.  Combine stress and fear with the feelings of detachment from the rest of the world and you have the makings of anti-social and criminal behavior. Poverty is of course a form of economic inequality, but inequality can be felt by all people for all reasons. It is not the simple feeling that others have more than us, that is harmful (that is an inevitability), but rather that the system is designed to keep some down, while allowing others to grow and prosper. We imprison people for addiction to drugs (a treatable disorder) but give million dollar bonuses to those addicted to power and money. Equality is not about making everyone a millionaire, after all, excess money and possessions are not the true tenants of happiness, equality is about reminding people they are significant and that their life has worth.

Less fear and greater altruism is what we need in order to stop our dysfunction as a society. People do not seek to destroy or upset the balance of something that they feel a part of. While we can do a lot as individuals to help create a more altruistic world, it is vital that our government create a system that represents those values as well. The health of a nation needs to come before the profits of a corporation. People should not be dying because they can’t afford access to health care or medicine and people should not be sleeping on the streets, while buildings set vacant for years.

I believe Jimi Hendrix said it best that “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace”.

A shoot I did on a beautiful grey day at Land’s End in Golden Gate Park.

Photographer : Travis de Jonk.

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A Special Thank You To Everyone That Supported Me in Aids Life Cycle 11

I begin my career as a professional homewrecker about 3 years ago. This coincided with me quitting my retail job, from which I reaped little satisfaction, and pursued my new-found passion for massage therapy.

I trained at a conventional massage school in Oakland, but prior to that I had attended massage workshops in an all-male environment in which draping was not a standard and we were encouraged to explore the many levels of intimate touch and to understand the difference between intimacy, sensuality and eroticism. Though my massage school gave me a certificate, the workshops taught me greater lessons. Through them I realized how body negative we are as a society and how intimate touch, outside of a relationship, is seen as taboo.

Many studies have been done showing the negative effects on a child’s physical and emotional development when it doesn’t receive touch. The need for touch doesn’t stop at childhood. I made the decision that I wanted my life to be about encouraging people to love themselves and there bodies, and to be the vessel which could share loving, intimate and nurturing touch and energy with those who come to me.

So, 3 months after I began doing massage I had my first home-wrecking experience. A new client came to me for massage and as is the case in many intimate service industries (hairstylist, manicurist, cab-driver), he shared some personal details about his life. He told me about how him and his partner haven’t had sex in over 5 years. Beyond that, there was pretty much no intimacy remaining in their relationship. They had developed what seemed to be a perfect marriage, complete with 2 adopted children and a great home, but he was miserable. He told me after the massage that he had forgotten what it felt like to be touched in an honest, loving and caring way and expressed how much that meant to him. A week later I received an email from him. Once again, he wanted to thank me for sharing my energy and touch with him and he also wanted to let me know that it had given him the strength to leave the relationship. He let me know that he was certain that there were gonna be tough times ahead as he adjusts to the transition, but that he was no longer willing to settle for a life void of intimacy.

Of course, I do not set out to cause people to break-up, however experiences like this one, and I have had 3 or 4, have given me a very different perspective on break-ups. While everyone else tends to express their condolences or empathy when they find out a friend has just ended a relationship, I am usually they one congratulating them. This often takes people by surprise and sometimes, gets me a “fuck-you” before I have a chance to explain myself. Though the grieving process may be similar, the death of a relationship and the death of a person are very different things. I have never seen a relationship that was perfect for both parties end suddenly. Even if the party whom I am congratulating didn’t want the relationship to end, if one is unhappy than they are better apart. It takes a lot of courage to leave a predictable life and routine and explore something new and for this, I feel “congratulations” is more appropriate than “I’m sorry”.

I was just walking through the Castro day before yesterday. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, had just finished working out and rather than return home to Nob Hill, I figured why not grab a drink. On such a beautiful day, it was inevitable that I would run into some friends. I passed Toad Hall; not open till 2 and it was only 1, then passed The Edge, which was opened but sparsely filled. I continued walking about 100 feet and ran into one of my favorite Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Sister Patent Leather. She was on her way to a seminar/ fundraiser and asked where I was going. I told her I was thinking about stopping at The Edge but it was kind of dead. As I said this 2 guys were walking by, heard what I said and responded “that’s where we are going, come on”! I took this as fate and turned around and walked back to The Edge. I ordered my $8 Long Beach in a mason jar and began talking to the guys. After a while, our discussion got around to relationships. I told them about my 2 boyfriends and why polyamory works for me. They asked the standard questions that most do, like “Do they know about each other” and “how does jealousy not become an issue”. I explained that of course they know about each other, polyamory is about honesty and self-empowerment, not deception or ownership. In terms of jealousy I explained that no one is perfect. We are programmed to believe that jealousy is an emotion that someone else’s actions “make us feel,” but that the belief that someone can make us feel something, is disempowering. Rather than blame someone for our jealousy, we must look at our own life and figure out what is missing, or celebrate the happiness that the other person is feeling and find pleasure in that. Ultimately too, it is about being able to communicate our feelings with the person we love. Simply by having my feelings validated, I am often able to work through them on my own.

One of the guys was definitely a lot more involved in the conversation than the other. The silent one finally confessed that him and his boyfriend haven’t had sex in over 7 months. He tried to rationalize this by telling me that they had been together for 2 ½ years, as though they should be bored with each other by now. He said that he even gave permission to his bf to have sex with other people, but he didn’t want to know about it and further, expected him to do everything necessary to hide it from him. I told him that from my experience opening up a relationship will not make it any better, without strong communication and when you ask someone to hide things from you, you’re only creating more distance, dishonesty and no one can really enjoy themselves because the feeling of guilt is always present. I advised that a lack of sex is an extension of greater issues of intimacy and if they aren’t willing to do the work to resolve these issues than they should consider redefining or ending their relationship. I also asked if it would be easier to break up if they didn’t live together, after a long pause (which always means yes), he said yes (told you!) I put my arm around him for a bit, trying to send him as much love and light as I could, hopefully instilling him with the courage to either address these issues with the vigor and urgency for which he (and everyone) is deserving or to move on.

After leaving, I had a burger and then went to Bar 440. There I ran into the more talkative friend again, the other guy had returned home to his bf, whether to continue living uphappy or address the issues, I have no idea. In his absence we both agreed that we couldn’t understand going 7 months without sex but also both recognized that we have been in the same predicament, maybe not for such a long period, but in a relationship in which sex had become very infrequent. A guy near us heard the conversation and commented “your preaching to the choir”, and my therapy session started again, with much of the same admissions and advice.

I have no desire to see people unhappy and hurting, but bettering once self often comes with levels of discomfort as we address our fears. I always advise that you are not responsible for the hurt that comes from being honest. One of my favorite quotes, by Marianne Williamson is “there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won’t feel insecure around you”, which I feel when applied to relationships could be that it is fear, not love that makes a person stay in a situation in which they are not getting the intimacy that they need and to not focalize that need, is wasting your life away. We have limited time on this earth, don’t let a day go by without living it to the fullest.

Love & Light

Lance

While almost all of my clients are incredibly respectful, kind and good-hearted, I am occasionally shocked by acts of great integrity.

I went to see a client the other night and when I arrived at his hotel, he wasnt there. I tried calling and texting to no avail. I returned home annoyed by what I was certain was the doing of some lonely and miserable individual with nothing better to do than wreck my Saturday night with a bogus appointment.

To my astonishment, I awoke the next morning to a text message, apologizing for the incident and wanting to bring me the money that “he owed me”. I doubted that he was genuine and just continuing his mind-fuck game, however to my astonishment, an hour later I met him at my door, he gave me $300 (rate plus $50 tip), we hugged, agreed to set up another appointment in the future and parted ways.

Lesson to be learned: RESPECT SEX WORKERS! If the guys in the Secret Service would have, they wouldn’t have gotten busted. How great it must be in Columbia that a sex-worker can report abuse and fraud to the police, without fear of personal prosecution. But, that’s the price we pay to live in the freest country in the world.

I have been watching and reading a lot on quantum physics over the last couple weeks. It’s a topic that always forces me deep into thought because at it’s core is the idea that nothing exists without a means of observation. The more that one learns about quantum physics, the more they are forced to accept that they know almost nothing. Smaller and smaller subatomic particles can be found, when the means to either observe or detect their existence is created and further parts of the universe can be observed with an increase in technology. It is the closest thing to explaining our existence. It tells us that everything that we do matters but also shows that we are unsubstantial in the grand scheme of existence. I suppose I find it to be the perfect tight-rope act, a measure by which I stay balanced.

Quantum Physics was largely born out of Einstein’s theory of relatively that explained the relationship between energy and matter. Combining this with studies of the brain and central nervous system came the concept that we are made up of energy and that our thoughts are the way that we turn energy into emotion and therefore emotion is energy. The thoughts that we have create an energy which flows out into the universe and by the law of attraction will bring that same energy into our life. This idea is also validated by simply understanding how feelings and emotions occur. We do not all respond to stimulus in the same way, because our reactions are developed over time, by our experiences and how we have reacted previously. Because our minds become wired to react in the same way, this is how people can fall into patterns of feelings or behaviors that they feel powerless over. This is actually the definition of addiction.

I love watching the show Intervention. Witnessing the human experience of addiction is fascinating, because it is everyone’s challenge in life. It may not be a drug, sex or gambling addiction that one struggles with, but we all face the challenge of overcoming and forgiving the events of the past and the energy that lingers, in order to better the future and create a new reality. As long as we continue to react to the world around us rather than consciously questioning our motivations, owning our emotions and choosing to think about things differently. For some this may take a break-down, before they discover a break-through, because for many, to approach life in a different way, comes with a lot of fear, because even negative feelings become comfortable because our body is used to the feelings and the chemicals that feeling creates.

To compound the issue of chemical addictions in the brain, our difficulty is compounded if we see ourselves and the life we live as irrelevant to the world around us. To summarize a favorite philosophy of mine “it’s the belief in an intrinsic universe that is the basis for our social disfunction.” In other words, as long as we see the world as “me and them”, or even “us and them”, our social functioning will continue to deteriorate.

The original Native American tribes did not believe that the land belonged to them, as did the Aboriginals and many tribes through history. They believed that the land had been hear long before them, so how could they own it. We create boundaries to keep people out of OUR country and few would support a complete social shift in our government by which everyone was guaranteed shelter, food, health care and higher education.

I have been keeping up with the Republic primaries and I know how hard it is not to feel negative emotions toward what some of them have to say. The majority of them spend more time attacking each other rather than promoting a positive view of the future. They wouldn’t do that if it didn’t work though. Part of our conditioning is to fight against and control the things we don’t like. Ron Paul has been the only one to run a respectful campaign and look how far that got him. A study was done in Washington D.C where 4,000 people who were practitioners of Transcendental Meditation were housed in DC and asked to meditate daily for 8 weeks. The purpose of this study was to determine if the positive energy they created could reduce the rate of violent crimes in the city. The results were remarkable, the city experienced a 23% drop in violent crimes during the period and multiple sociologists attempted to find alternative explanations, but were unsuccessful.

The key to creating a better world is creating a better self. Don’t let fear and anger govern your life. Compliment someone rather than making a snide and cunning remark, you may think it’s cute and witty but it’s still negative energy. Hate your job, change that. Unhappy in a relationship, change that. Focus on what you are “FOR” rather than what you are “AGAINST.” Be willing to accept that you know almost nothing. A liberal mind is not necessarily an open mind. Seek understand, compassion, love and forgiveness, let go of anger, blame, resentment and self-doubt.

LOVE & LIGHT

LANCE

I, along with Michael Brandon, were the special guests for the Mr. Iowa Leather Contest, October 14th&15th.  It was an amazing weekend and I just want to thank my IML Brother, Mike Pagano (Mr. Iowa Leather 2011), Stinky (owner of The Blazing Saddle) and give a great big CONGRATULATIONS to Jeremy Morris, the new Mr. Iowa Leather 2012.  These guys as well as the hundreds who came out to the event, made the weekend a lot of fun and made me feel very welcome.  Check out the pics on the event page.

My New Ink

Week 1

Week 3

Week 4

The Most Flattering Article

Ever Written About Me.

Thank you Will Clark, I love you darlin!

07/07/2011

Oh Lance Navarro How Can You Be So Cruel (As to Live 3000 Miles Away Where I Only Get to See U Twice a Year?)

Posted at 11:36 AM in Bad Boys on the Hudson NYC 2011, Lance Navarro | Permalink

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